Sometimes, if I put my hand over the left side of my chest, I can feel my heart swell. It’s a weird physiological phenomena that I hope is not an indicator of a heart attack.
I feel it swell up when my feelings are heightened and completely take over me. These feelings have to be raging with intensity and must be enough to fill my whole heart - and I’ve got a big one. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it reminds me that I’m lucky enough to feel.
This morning, I put my hand over the left side of my chest and I felt my heart swell. I felt shaky, imbalanced, kind of angry, and almost heartbroken. But I remember a while back, I would never allow myself to get into situations that could make me feel this way. Now, it’s a matter of seeing everything in a brighter light. I am not all those negative things. My heart is swollen with pride and courage.
Pride means nothing when you don’t get what you want.
I have always been the one who was too proud to even think about what I truly wanted. And if what I truly wanted meant that I had to reveal my honest feelings, then forget it. I’ll find something new.
Being too proud sucks. Take for example Helga Pataki from Hey, Arnold! She would worship the ground Arnold walked on, even had a shrine of bubble gum dedicated to the guy. But she could never swallow up the courage to admit her affection. For years she lost Arnold. Whether it be because she intentionally pushed him away or because of other women. Bottom line though - she could never have who she wanted because of pride issues.
A recent grad on the search for jobs, and it’s now I realize that pride means nothing. Life is way too short to push people away because I’m too proud to admit my feelings first. The World is just too big to only be proud of my own accomplishments and not acknowledge the good work of others. And growth occurs healthier when I’m willing to abate the fiery pride I have and forgive quickly and genuinely.
Pride means nothing.